Oh, what are you all worked up over?
So we got run ruled at home last week, followed by losing a meaningless midweek game. What's the big deal?
At least our cookie cake was cute. See.
So chin up greenwave fans, nothing a little bad attitude can't fix. Or a chipper Wave Chat in your inbox to spin any bad news into being just part of "the plan". Everything is rolling along according to plan, so just turn that frown upside down ya heard!
So yes, as you can see Coach and Mrs. Hullabaloo were at "the game." I stayed until I literally could feel the wind penetrating my brain it was so flippin cold. (I can't believe they had Devon Walker out with us in that weather!)
Coach and Mrs. Hullabaloo ducked out with Mr. and Mrs. Baldboy about the 5th or 6th inning, but not before I got to sing our one and only round of Hullabaloo AND watch a double play. and all of four hits. Yes. See: there is a silver lining in everything! Even in sub-Arctic temperatures. Hoo-ray!
Mr. and Mrs. Baldboy are our new fun couple that also enjoy subjecting themselves to the humiliation that comes with being a Tulane fan. Yay, kindred spirits! Although today Mr. Baldboy had it up to here (lawd, he's been a fan longer than me if you can believe it) and he finally put his foot down. Mrs. Baldboy was just hilarious recounting her husband's ire, cause ooooh noooo, now they'd gone and done it.
You see, it's not enough that we have to watch the unwatchable, but then we are also forced to follow absurd parking and tailgating "rules" on top of it. Mr. Baldboy was so worked up over his absurd parking situation that he demanded they come pick him up in a golf cart with all of his tailgate crap, and Mrs. Baldboy sat there laughing taking this all in (she is so cute). Luckily they produced a good enough parking space closer to Rosen to satisfy Mr. Baldboy. When I told him the Rosen parking passes were $5, Mr. Baldboy went through the roof.
Honest to Yahweh I believe that somewhere in the nether recesses of Wilson Center there's a secret committee that meets to figure out what are the most absurd and arcane situations they can dream up to put Tulane Fans in, not tell anybody about or announce in any normal way and then sit back, watch and see how many more of us they can chase off. Like we are laboratory mice or something. I swear, it must also be on their employee reviews as well. How many season tickets did you sell...mmm I see. Well how many fans did you piss off?...mmmm, excellent! Oh, and can your father declare in national interviews that we were the reason College Athletic Conferences fell apart? Smashing! You are Hired!
This here is the recovering foot of a fan I'll call Cute As a Button. Cute As a Button's dad is a trip. We just love him in section 110. And his seriously awesome meatballs he sells. Anyways, here Cute As a Button is modeling all the signatures she's collecting from New Orleans athletes, including Thomas Morstead! fer real!
In all fairness, Mrs. Hullabaloo has a very lovely connection inside the office who was totally awesome and secured me parking passes without a single solitary obstacle, who was ever sweet and even came over to check up on us and make sure that everything went smoothly. So grateful for that. But not every fan has a Bat Line. Mrs. Hullabaloo worked in Washington DC after college for the Ana Wintour of DC Lobbyists. So I am battle trained to deal with shit hitting a fan and how to head it off in advance. Man, I tell you that man I worked for was c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y cray. He'd call up out of the blue "Miss Hullabaloo! Go find me that and get it to me in 5 minutes. By the way I'm on the Hill" and hang up. Pre-cell phone days I'd have to figure out what "that" was and where exactly on the Hill he was (senate side? house side? which office building? or Hill adjacent having lunch?). I had a rolodex the size of an airplane engine. And he would call me on Friday nights while I was at post-Happy Hour asking if I would drive to Maryland to babysit his kids. Lawd - I once ran out onto the runway at a fedex facility at Dulles Airport to get a fedex package onto a plane for that man.
I don't think we even made contact with the ball.
Captured by Parker Waters.
So I'm used to crazy. I can laugh about it. But your average fan can only put up with so much crazy. Add finding new ways to lose games or witnessing how the sausage is made at Wilson Center and well that's just a recipe for bad news to the average fan. But don't worry, TPTB will just zip out a new Wave Chat and explain it all away. And don't you know that Cal State Fullerton turned it all around once 20 years ago? The laws of probability on that happening again makes it very very plausible we can whip up a miracle at Turchin. What with the transfer+scholarship rules, our intimidating tuition, and our strength and conditioning program that always somehow results in the decimation of our depth chart. Other teams play on a regulation field, with NCAA equipment and follow NCAA rules and yet somehow there's always a convenient excuse to bail us out.
Listen y'all - I have the utmost respect for Coach Rick Jones. I do! I love him and all his crazy. Like outlawing "Green! Wave!" chanting because it is "ineffective." Or threatening to cut down our tree in Peggy's Patio because it causes undue juju for being the only mulberry bush amongst the palms in the outfield.
But having being run-ruled Saturday at home for the Memphis series as all part of our grand plan to eek out a series win on Sunday is suspect, IMHO. At one point during the Run Ruling Strategery, we were down 10-0 and finally Rick Jones stomps out to the mound. Coach Jones had been violently ill on Friday night and you know it had to be bad because he didn't go to the game. That happens like never. Oh but we had us a grand ole time cheering "Green! Wave!" to our heart's content. The marketing peeps even put the cheer on the scoreboard (!). Yes! Shhh, don't tell Jones about it tho. Anyways, Coach Jones stomped out to the mound at 10-0 and I thought out loud, Wow, here I thought this a redo on Weekend at Bernie's down in the dugout. The Greenies tossed ourselves down a black hole at this game and our dugout was completely silent and nobody rustling about. Like this is how we were supposed to roll now. What the Facundus is what I have to say about that.
So anyways, Coach Hullabaloo is licking his wounds this morning as he just seeths at Outhouse and their awful fans. Wants desperately to put them in their place. As do I, but ya know what exactly can we do as a collective? Protest and stop going to games? Did you see the vast swaths of purple engulfing Turchin last night? It was enough to make you ill. We know how to beat these people, remember this? the last time they were numbah two?
When LSU lost like fools on April fools 2009
It leaves us all with the unanswered question that I have yet to hear a straight "Yes" or "No" answer from TPTB......
Do. You. Want. Tulane. To. Win? question mark question mark exclamation point
Sure TPTB has perfected the response that Athletics is basically a glorified academic program for gifted student athletes and yada yada yada "right for our situation" yada yada. But if Florida Gulf Coast University (who the facundus has ever even heard of that school before?) can figure it out, what with our legions of Freeman business and Tulane Law graduates haven't been able to figure out how to run a department properly. As Big Mike so eloquently said once, We have an entire law school of Jewish lawyers at our disposal here. What is the point of operating at a loss and/or with a losing record for decades? To bring new coaches here so that they can gain 50 pounds and then graveyard their careers? We done wrote the playbook on "let's play not to lose" perspective. Been doing that since Yahweh was a boy and look where it's gotten us: humiliating trips to Thibodaux!
Anyways, I leave you with this: Middleton was Safe and here's photographic proof.
And that's all there is to it. Ciao my chamudis!