If The Tennis Shoe Does Not Fit, You Must Acquit!

OK, so this is all rumors and inuendo until proven guilty, etcetera, etcetera.

Apparently the Red Stick Police are waving a white flag and crying that they need a Third Party independent investigator. They even had to conduct the interviews at the State Police office instead of at BRPD. As we speak, Jordan Jefferson's Tennis Shoes have been admitted into evidence and possible DNA testng. LMAO.

Mrs. Hullabaloo shant pass an opportunity to just laugh myself silly, point fingers and grab some popcorn to watch the drama unfold in Red Stick. Yes. I am immature and petty. Especially in light that fall practice reports all agree that The Wave's OL is just dismal this season. On top of that the ticket office has cloaked the package info and pricing for the Hawaii trip in secrecy. Something about needing the right code to unlock the Cryptix so that the papyrus the Hawaii trip package is written on doesn't disintegrate in vinegar. (I mean, isn't that how any other normal college would advertise a Big Trip to it's fans? By not telling you a word and then asking you to email a black hole with your social security number and rights to your first unborn?).

So as to take my mind off such dreariness, Mrs. Hullabaloo has been breathlessly following the developments in BR. Down to watching the grainy youtube versions of The Fight that were bound to make their way to Youtube no matter how much money was spread around and how many threats were dispensed. You knew that there had to be a Ragin Cajun in the crowd or another contrarian soul who couldn't wait to capture photographic proof of LSU showing their drawers. Although the video clips all look like they were filmed while sliding down the Azuka at Blue Bayou waterpark. Maybe after tossing back a few shots the video might begin to look clear, but stone sober it's just a mishmash.

Listen, I never can stomach visitng Tiggerdroppings or duddy-Don or whatever his name is. But it's just been sooooo much fun to suck time away at work by perusing the musings of the Tigah Faithful over the past week. Even at the expense of overlooking Shopping Alert posts that need to be tended to on here. (Dontcha agree?)

I mean we even have the ancient Peter Finney in full spin doctor-mode at the Times Picayune digging his brain for examples of alumni previous thug players and all of their silly escapades and who didn't get caught/punished/what have you. This is what is passing for "serious" journalism at the Times Picayune this week!

I think one of the funniest angles to this story is that they are in just SUCH a pickle up there! The police, the DA, the university, Les Miles, Messieur Jefferson: Everybody is just damned if they do or damned if they don't. In one corner you have Team ABBJ (anybody but Jefferson) who are allegedly fundraising for a legal fund for the victims to pursue the charges. Team ABBJ has had it up to here with JJ's inconsistent performance and want the women-gropping/Rothlisberger-in-training Zach Mettenberger at the helm.

Then you have Grass Eatin' Miles who has the pressures of an unhinged fan base who will cause bodily harm should he even dare to look at a player sideways. Already you have players involved screaming that this was all a set up. Miles already made them run 40 yards. So what's left is to take away ALL the scholarships, and I mean every. last. one. (!) that belonged to members of the practice team. That'll learn 'em.

The police don't know which way to turn. They're trying to reconstruct a scenario where the victim's head was clearly a concealed weapon just waiting to cause severe injury to Jarvis Landry and Jordan Jefferson's feet. These fools are fearing for their lives should they like try to do their jobs and police thugs discipline players serve and protect.

And probably the juiciest detail to come out of all of this is that Team Sweep TM (I can't take credit for this genius terminology, it goes to posters on Tigah Rant/Droppings) has met it's match. In your garden variety crime committed by a Fightin Tigah this is what would happen: Red Stick just rolls out Team Sweep TM whereby Nathan Fischer is called upon, The police are given their marching orders, a checkbook is opened, The Advocate and Times Picayune write their spin that all is fabulous and besides the victim asked for it, all is forgotten and on to the next game.

Well, this time things are little more interesting: Somebody's cousin's boyfriend's next door neighbor allegedly did a summer internship at either the DA's office or at a law firm involved with the victims. Allegedly one of the said victims has relatives in high places at the District Attorney's office. Because it wasn't enough that one of the victims was a US Marine and there's just not enough shame in that, but these idiot players have unknowingly messed with their own among the powers that be in Red Stick. So now it's like a pissing contest between the Capulets and the Montagues. Delicious, right?! Couldn't have happened to a better set of peeps in Mrs. Hullabaloo's opinion.

When the Oregon player got caught allegedgly smoking weed and speeding in a vehicle suspiciously rented by someone in the athletic department, all of Red Stick clutched their pearls. Oh My Lord and Savior. Is That How They Behave in Oh-ree-Gone? Then Red Stick collectively raised their pitchforks and stormed the internets to demand that Oregon suspend, tar and feather said individual. Oregon had some nerve trying to pretend this was much ado about nothing.

And well now the mental acrobatics to justify last week's behavior at Shady's has given way to a circling firing squad and I. just. LOVE. it!

Who's gonna win? The barbaric hordes of man eating fans? The police too scared to do their job? The shadowy hand at the DA office?

Fun times y'all! Enjoy it while you can, Asult will be here before we know it.