Yes, I'm pissed off and this shall remain the title of my post.
The nerve of that woman to think she can just waltz in to my home and feel free to whip both of her boobages out at my dining room table and allow her child to suckle. Without even asking if I minded.
And then to come out today as Councilwoman Lady and vote in favor of the IZD* proposal the way she did. I am just beyond words. (plus I heard that she cheated on her husband with her campaign manager and Mr. Palmer just puts up with it. allegedly. yes, I just published this accusation on the interwebs and I won't take it back.)
So surpise, suprise I have a post today! I know it's been a thousand million hours since my last post in February, but ya know the drill: busy, baseball, tailgating, Coach Hullabaloo's race schedule, trips, mardi gras, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
But I am EVER grateful that you are here today, reading my senseless drivel. Thank you, thank you.
Do any of y'all know Varla Jean Merman? She has the best drag show ever. Last fall, she teamed up with Ricky Graham at the Mid City Theatre and I swear I about pee'd my pants I laughed so hard.
Ricky Graham did a bit as an Uptown Matron, with a screen shot of the ORR-lee-ahhns Club behind her. You know the venue who's name cannot dared be printed (seriously, so lame) lest it tarnish the image of the location. He was dressed up in a Chanel tweed suit get up, these mardi gras bead-sized pearls. I wished I could have gotten him to come to the City Council hearing today to annoy those crazy fools seated behind me.
So as you know, Mrs. Breastfeeder herself, as councilwoman lady, voted along with Mizzus Guidry, Head and Clarkson on this bogus IZD proposal, which was essentially a stupid way to stop the building of Fergie Field by the Audubon Boulevard homeowners. Who, I might point out, bought a home that was adjacent to a 70,000 seat stadium and are now running scared about a 27,000 replacement.
I also have to point out that prior to assuming her dictarorial role on the City Council while still an independent citizen, Kristen Giselson Palmer, Mrs. Breastfeeder, literally harassed and bullied an adorable gay couple living in our neighborhood until they moved. They ran the cutest little shop that was also a post office. She bullied them just because they disagreed with her on some totally insigificant neighborhood issue which I can't even recall. These accusations dovetail nicely with the need to stop your dictatorial neighborhood association bullies before they reach the levers of power. Nice harmless gay couple one day, a university the next.
I never thought I'd live to see the day where I would be THANKFUL for Cynthia Hedge-hyphen-Morrel and John Johnson's votes. I don't think Kaare Johnson would have seen that either the way he bangs up on black politicians in Nola all the time for being relics of the past. Just 10 days ago he was moaning up a storm about the showdown between Stacey Head and Cynthia Willard-hyphen-Lewis. Say what you will, black politicians are much more keen to understand the hand that feeds them.
By my ranting, you can obviously tell that I completely dropped everything on my schedule and spent the day at the New Orleans City Council hearing. Of course I did - I mean like, priorities here, hello. Work can wait another day.
Listen: I can bitch and complain about boneheadedness coming out of the Wilson Center sans interruption, I'm entitled to it (I feel anyways). But when these Witches of Eastwick on City Council think that they are gonna take away My Stadium and try to go against my alma mater because these bored Uptown Matrons are scared of black chirrens being so close to their neighborhood? Wink, wink, I mean errr, PARKING. Well, uh - they have messed with the wrong bitch. And judging by the general reaction in the Greenie Dat Nation, these queens have stirred up the wrong hornets nest.
So the IZD in a nutshell is this: The city has adopted a "Master Plan" after Katrina that seeks to standardize our haphazard "Spot" Zonging situations that make no sense, so that businesses/developers know what is acceptable, when, where and how. That plan hasn't yet been finalized. So right now, Tulane can build anything it wants on its property as long as it is within code. They don't need to go get permission from the city and hold public hearings to present architectural drawings and then be at the mercy of random citizens to provide input to say, rebuild Bruff Commons as it is currently seeking to do. Or by rebuilding the UC as it did a few years ago.
So the end around on not appearing to be pick on Tulane, but picking on Tulane was for Susan Guidry to put up this sham "Interim" proposal, a "spot" zoning ordinance if there ever was one, that forces ANY college in Orleans Parish to go before the zoning board and city council regarding building projects inside their property. And then when the Master Plan is finalized, codify this IZD bullhockey into the Master Plan.
Quelle Bullshit, non? So of course, none of the colleges are for this.
It was a long day and of course the City Council Queens put the IZD as the very last item on the agenda. I sat next to my friend Hot Wheels and we relished the opportunity to annoy the Uptown Matrons behind us for being just generally rude and snooty like they always are. They kept tapping on us, and hissing at us and disapproving of my cute stadium sign. Halfway through the overall boring agenda items that were being addressed before they got to ours, I discovered that I was in the path of the camera feed that was focused on the podium and just sprouted my horns.
So while other speakers were up, I took advantage of the prime position I was in. I was totally obnoxious and hold up my sign to block the Nimby signs that were in seats behind me. Well, then these Uptown Matrons started acting a fool and yelling at us in whispers. Like I'm scared of them. Bite me. If you want to go toe to toe on being obnoxious, I will give you the competition. Watch me.
This is a shot of me before I held the sign up over their faces. (and mine, so I screen shot this as proof that it's me)
Hot Wheels yelled at them to simmer down and quit touching him, but these women kept hissing away and generally being disagreeable. Hot Wheels also screamed at the Council Members on his way out the door after their sham voting session, pretending to listen to all sides of the situation. We left like Rock Stars. It was so funny, I love drama!
What goads me about these people is that they are all assuring everyone that they are for the stadium, this isn't about the stadium, but it's about other uses and parking, meanwhile their signs all say "No Residential Stadium" Who are they kidding? And then to be roping in all of the other colleges of Orleans Parish into this "Interim Zoning District" nonsense, thinking nobody was gonna say anything?
It was pretty funny because Scott Slatten called them out for the racists that they are and I literally heard the Uptown Matrons gasp. They gasp-ed! Who gasp's these days? If I had eyes behind my head I swear I woulda all seen them grasp their pearls.
Of course, none of these Uptown Matrons gasp-ed when one of them went up to the podium to speak and turned around and faced Cowen, Dickson and Coach CJ Johnson and actually accused our Tulane Football Players of urinating on her yard! For reals! Could you imagine? Sweet Ryan Griffin and the rest of the nicest players on the planet being so crude?!
Seriously - do these well-behaved young gentlemen look like they'd haul off and pee in your precious Audubon Boulevard Yard?
I mean like, if I didn't know better I'd organize a let's go pee on their yard party. Cause these women have pissed me off. That's just so wrong to accuse our players like that.
Crazy Lady also demanded to know from Cowen, Dickson and Coach CJ if we wanted to trade houses with her, because she just wants peace and quiet and I almost got up on my feet and yelled "ME! ME! ME!" I would LOVE to have Tulane Stadium be my backyard. Could you imagine my tailgate parties?! I'd be elected Queen Tailgate Empress. For life! Coach CJ was so funny because he smiled at her and shook his head yes! ha ha!
Anyways, OMG on Jackie Clarkson getting all offended about being called out for scheduling a hearing with 3 days notice that would halt a $60 million project and affect 50% of the city's land mass. Yes, it's a backroom, corrupt way of handing city affairs, so don't be all offended when you get called out on it. And lawered have mercy about Susan Guidry. That useless woman has no business being a city councilman lady if she doesn't know what her amendments are, and how the process works in conducting a hearing. Or parliamentary procedure, hello you learn that on student council in elementary school. Interrupting speakers that way because she was clueless. She was so inept during the proceedings and I am glad that the general public had the opportunity to see her for what she is. Bring Back Batt!
Well listen, I am here to tell you that if it's the last thing I do as a living creature on this earth Tulane Stadium is getting built, and Mrs. Breastfeeder, Mrs. Guidry and Mz. Head better start packing, cause they are in my radar and I'm done with them.
Sigh. After stewing all day about this sham of a situation, being proud of my student athletes, former students, alumni and boosters who showed up to show that they cared, I am now somewhat relieved at the turn of events this afternoon: Mayor Mitch Landrieu will veto the IZD when it is voted on as an ordinance. Cue the Angels in Heaven Singing.
And what's more: Godfather Tom Benson is against the IZD, so the Saints issued a statement supporting the stadium. And Tulane alumni and students are pissed and they are mobilizing.
So take that Uptown Matrons and suck on it. Or go move to some unfun soundless hole on the Northshore, please.