First, I have to say: I love Hawaii. Love it. Love it. We definitely saved the best for last, and I say that with complete honesty.
The seedy, unkept areas kinda put a damper on the experience, but once you get past that: it truly is gorgeous here. I share these thoughts with you while watching the sun rise over Diamondhead. The sky is turning from onyx to sapphire blue. A supple balmy breeze is skimming around me like feather massage. Waikiki hasn't started bustling yet. It is just delightful.....and Channing Tatum is calling for me from our canopied bed - okay, okay, okay, Mrs. Hullabaloo is getting carried away ha! but really, Hawaii is stunning.
It makes me wish that Hawaii were in our conference (as well as keeping Utep despite Mike Price. Because I really loved how unique and "autentico" El Paso was - it was such an adventure! and you know how Coach and Mrs. Hullabaloo love them some adventures!)
How awesome would it to be able to come here to Oahu every other year? Heck, Hawaii just traveled to play Tech in Ruston, you'd think they'd be up on coming to New Orleans. And I would just love to do a cute polynesian themed tailgate with pineapple fried rice and satay. (Don't you just love that idea?!)
But anyways, back to what you came here to read. The Lowdown on the game. Y'all I can only describe it like being on crack or taking a hit of something if I actually knew what any of that was like. It was complete sensory overload and then some. Like a SNL Variety Show being performed amidst a college football game. And I say this in all earnesty despite living in a place like New Orleans!
First a preview: Coach Hullabaloo and I didn't make it to the Thanksgiving Luau, but we heard all about it 4000 miles away. When we got to the hotel Coach Hullabaloo shared an elevator with a player and when Coach asked him about the Infamous Tulane Luau, his eyes got as big as saucers - it wasn't until the player confirmed that Coach Hullabaloo was not some official from the University that he spilled the beans. Apparently a good time was majorly had by some, including a staff member we'll call Slye Lyka. Slye went toe up drunk at the Luau, but not before giving a rabble rousing speech about winning the game that shocked players and family members alike. It sounded like a classic moment and gawd I wished I had been there to see it.
So now back to the game: Hawaii is not your traditional crisp NCAA college town atmosphere with spirit shakers and cute gameday dresses. It's kinda more Jersey Shore than The Grove - it was telling how rough Hawaiians are by how many cops (not Security, I mean COPS!) there were. (As we were walking around the crowd during halftime Coach shared this story with me from his Marine Corps days when his ship docked in Hawaii. Something about an ill-fated bus ride to the wrong part of town and having to elude a gang of Samoans hellbent on picking a fight, an overturned Suzuki Samuri was involved)
The concessions at the stadium reminded me of a bustling street scene from Bangkok. Skewered pineapple pork satay, Teriyaki burgers, Huli Huli Chicken - and enough beer stands to lubricate decades worth of Mardi Gras. Steinlager, Heineken, Nutbrown Ale, Bud, Mikes Hard Lemonade, on and on and on. And y'all, there wasn't a Hawaiian that I didn't see clutching two 32 ouncers and washing them down in one gulp. It's like a dream sequence or soemthing where you notice one thing and then you notice a thousand of the same thing. It was a sea of Hawaiian beer drinkers. Bourbon Street would be scared of these people.
Earlier when I was assembling my cute GameDay outfit, I had found the perfect green and blue necklace while spending Coach Hullabaloo's money on Kalukaua Avenue to go with the perfect adorable green and blue tropical flower dress I had found back home - I was just loving how cute it all was. And then wouldn't you know God decides to humble me by sending a monsoon storm to the Aloha Stadium.
I have to say though - how awesome is this shirt?!
Belongs to a SuperFan who won the trip by being a lifelong TAF donor. I am coveting this shirt now.
Anyways, this monsoon just didn't just come and go. It would scream in, taper off, I'd uncover my head from the damn rain poncho I had to buy then the annoying drizzle would start back up again, winds would pick up and wham-o the deluge would ensue. You know that scene in Forrest Gump where he's describing the rain in Vietnam. Ok, that was us in Hawaii's stadium. We were sitting with the parents I'll call Fun Couple. Daddy Fun Couple sat through that whole thing with a towel on his head. I don't know how he did it.
So in the middle of this crazy weather situation happening, everyone in the upper decks of the stands would shred their game day programs (that weren't magazines, they were like copies of The Gambit) into confetti and toss it out in the wind so that the entire inside of the bowl was snowing gameday programs.
- I hope that I am building up this image for you because being here in Hawaii to watch the game live was something else -
I don't know if this was Hawaiian hospitality or what, but they put the visiting section in the endzone next to the UH Marching Band. And the UH Drumline. And their dance team, The Rainbow Dancers. And the "Vili The Warrior" Hawaii Mascot, who had his own polynesian drum corps.
With the monsoon, the confetti, the dance team and all the fights breaking out, nevermind the game - you didn't know where to put your eyes from one second to the next.
And y'all. That dance team.
Here's a pre-game picture of the Rainbow Dancers visiting the Tulane Tailgate.
Very innocent and sweet at first glance, yet eyebrow raising in that peephole top.
Those calendars they were selling (I can only imagine the car wash fundraisers here) were Holy Inappropriate-ness in my opinion and portent of things to come.
Coach Hullabaloo woke up still laughing this morning about The Variety Hour at Aloha Stadium. He started joking that they were probably all with chiropracters this morning. He even started imitating them by pretend whipping his hair around - I wish you could hear his "swishing" soundtrack he added as he tried some signature UH Dance Team moves. (Oh, my Coach Hullabaloo!). But y'all: those girls did not stop! They musta had a case of Red Bull each.
One minute the Rainbow Dancers are doing their interpretation of So You Think You Can Dance in that precarious peephole top, then they're lining up side by side and doing like a showdown of who can leap the best - you know one by one coming out like a game of Red Rover and doing leaping pirouettes and then - ouch- landing onto the ground in a split. Then the UH Marching Band would kick it into high gear for the next number. All while the confetti, the monsoon kicking up, and Vili, the Hawaiian Mascot, was doing his war dance thingie and our Zach Davis is bringing it back to the red zone on an interception. It was balls to the wall nuts.
This is an old 2006 video of the Rainbow Dancers amidst confetti to bring this to you as vividly as I can
The UH Drumline and the Rainbow Dancers didn't give it a rest the entire game. They just booty shaked on the sideline, marched right out and did their half time booty shaking in long form and booty shaked off the field to booty shake some more until the clock said 0:00. It was beyond impressive. I can not stop writing about it.
So towards the end of the third quarter, two fights break out simultaneously. To our right and to our left.
To our right this group of Hawaii fans (guys) I think stole a pizza or did something askew, because another Hawaii fan ("Hawaii Fan B") called the cops over and whatever sin it was, Hawaii Fan B called the perp ("Hawaii Fan A") a "F*&cking A##hole" (yes! Hawaii Fan B said this!) to the cops and well that was sufficient accusation for them. Hawaii Fan A was handcuffed up and literally dragged out the stadium.
The picture I have below is just when it was just 2 cops. Because Hawaii Fan A made himself dead weight and the two cops had to call for backup, so then there were like 7 of them at the scene.
Meanwhile Hawaii Fan A's friends are all video taping the scene with their phones and screaming "Pepper Spray Him!" and laughing at the developing drama (! Yes, they were doing that to their friend! what friends!!!). Hawaii Fan A is waving his Hang Ten Foam Fingers at the crowd and his friends (how funny were those foam fingers?) as he is literally being dragged out the stadium OccupyHawaii-style.
To our left, one of the Tulane Coach's wives had had enough of the Peanut Gallery comments from one of the player's parents who are just as fed up as the rest of the fanbase on the playcalling this season. So she got up and started screaming at the player's family that her husband had experience either playing or coaching 2 NFL Teams (? it was all happening so fast I can't remember her tirade. Besides, I can only do so much multi-tasking). She was causing such a stir that the cops who were tending to Hawaii Fan A and his drama, notice the commotion and come over to start putting the kibosh on her! OMG, it was high drama unfolding because I thought she was about to get handcuffed and whisked away. Luckily I think she identified herself and explained her beef and they let it be.
And all the while y'all the UH Dance Team, the Rainbow Dancers, didn't miss a beat like all this commotion is normal - shown here doing their conga-style Kick Line number while Hawaii Fan A is being dragged away.
This was by far the most entertaining Tulane Game of the Toledo-Hutson Era since we were 9-7 in the first half with LSU at the dome in 2007. It deserved a Tony or an Emmy or something. Jamar Thomas with that insane kick return run, Zach Davis interception, and another interception. All to the tune of the Hawaii 5-0 Score/Soundtrack by the UH Marching Band and their Rainbow Dancers (which was cute in my opinion that they included that in the repetoire). Yeah, I wished that the Wave could have pulled out a win, sigh. But this season is what it is and the only thing I can do is witness, enjoy as it unfolds and report back to you.
At the end of the game, Vili came over and then another Hawaii Superfan came over and thanked us for coming. I was honestly just grateful for the Magic Carpet Ride to have pulled back into the stop.
So I'm off to the beach now, R&R in Hanama Bay.....Mazel my petit choux!
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