It's Sunday during football season and I know that I should not be so cynical on God's Day.
But it makes me sad when my reaction to last night's game was "hmmmm...what's the difference now, exactly?" 128 yards of penalties and 8 yards of rushing. Eight! So, like why did we go through the upheavals and drama 10 months ago demanding heads on platters? For this?!
Plus this Isaac edition blog post is made all the more difficult in that I am typing on an Ipad with Cox having decided to take down our perfectly functioning service last night in order to cause additional aggravation and burden in my life.
When Rutgers scored the late touchdown, Booty and I were terrible fans and went to polish off our ice chest from tailgating. I turned on the radio only to hear that our score went from 6 to 12. Clearly, we couldn't possibly have managed to march down the field twice and score two field goals. Which left the only logical possibility that we had indeed scored a Touchdown and then somehow managed the additional indignity of missing the Extra Point. But how?
When Coach Hullabaloo joined us after the game let out, he broke it to us that the missed point wasn't just your garden variety shank wide right or wide left. Oh but No. We made sure to include a blocked kick in our game script. For good measure. Just to ensure our humiliation was complete.
As Coach Hullabaloo said, one thing Tulane really excels at, what we are best known for: diligently finding new and extraordinary ways to score less points. That and our prowress when it comes to logistics. Like how much of a BAD idea was hosting an institutionalized Apartheid Tailgate in Champions Square? Where we couldn't even rent a tent if we had wanted to. And what was most egregious: holding Riptide's costume hostage for no truly legitimate reason that couldn't have reasonable been solved should someone had really wanted to solve it. Because like how embarrassing is it that Rutgers manages to pack Scarlet Knight from New Jersey, yet it's somehow an imposition to go 3 miles to Claiborne?
So, as you can surmise, I refuse to abide by the post-mortem spin offered by our professional sports commentators that we should be relieved that the team didn't tailspin and allow the score to get quadrupled on us. Well, alright then. I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be thankful for that?
Ya know...the last time I can recall being genuinely (and not desperately or cynically) hopeful about a comeback was for the 2008 UTEP game. For the better part of the last 3 years, when I glance at the game clock, my thoughts are usually "hmmm, 10 minutes left in the game. Yeah, uh, that's not going to happen." Not with our signature glacial offense we can't seem to shake. The last time TU had an exciting offense in my recent memory was the Rice game in 2010.
Because OMG on Up The Middle.
Yes, I understand all of the travesties that have befallen us over the offseason. We are constantly playing freshman, year in year out. But at what point was someone going to toss their clipboard on the ground, take one of the zebras by the collar, and give him a talking to? The homeside was just gonna have to stomach watching Robert Kelley get swung about by his face mask the whole game?
And Mrs. Hullabaloo demands to know who is responsible for calling Up The Middle on First and Twenty-two?
And don't even get me started on the gameday programs! Of course it had my favorite wave momma's stepson featured, which caused me much delight (on top of his could-have-been-a-gamechanger interception). But did you notice that Rutgers and Houston teamed up to play this game? Yes, sir. Said so on the depth chart page. Tulane was playing Houston's special teams. Rutgers took the offense and defense duties though. Imagine this new twist to NCAA College Football. Maybe they are on to something in the Big East.
And while I was admiring the cutest portrait on the planet - I'm not being facetious, I genuinely LOVED LOVED LOVED the beaming picture of Coach Johnson and his beautiful wife, who is truly the sweetest woman ever - I noticed that #86 from Memphis has transferred? Errr? When did that transaction happen? And if so, why isn't he on the roster?
My dear esteemed members of the Greenie Dat Nation, it is my sincere and fervent prayer that one day, I will eat my words, that this is a long, forgotten episode, and that Tulane becomes an offense juggernaut. Or at least competitive and less error-prone. And that our safeties don't have the highest tackling statistics for the team. And when a receiver, one, just one, and I'm not particular about which one really, actually manages to keep his fingers and hands on a football. And when Up The Middle is retired.
I do have some positive commentary, I promise, just not today.
And P.S. please accept my apologies for not being consoled that the rest of Ex-Cusa lost all their games too. That just means we will suck more, when we lose to them if we continue this trajectory.
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