Brace for Impact

This was me yesterday when I saw the Charcoal Uniforms make a re-appearance:

We get it Coach Fritz!  You're trying to make us get over our stupid superstitions and show that we are in control and that change is possible.

But Aslut(Tulsa)+Homecoming+Charcoal Uniforms is just a volatile combination that is impossible to overcome.

Woullard went down.  Nico went down. Ade Aruna went down.  Special Teams muffs another punt. Dirocco misses a field goal. We throw an interception on a 2 point conversion that gets run back for a touchdown. Ay yai yai!

I'm all for turning a new leaf and dismissing our past. But there's several things about yesterday's loss that are nagging me.  The biggest one obv is the uniforms. So please, please, no more.

The second thing that makes me pause is our rush to light up the ticker tape parade that we're all good now that Dickson and Cowen are gone and CJ was dismissed.  We've trotted out the meanie greenie and celebrated and clinked champagne glasses that all is right in GreenwaveNation.  Meanwhile forgetting that this is Tulane we are talking about here and that there are some harsh realities here. Like that we actually need to recruit players that can succeed in our conference and that we actually have to play against Houston and Temple and other New Years 6 contenders.

While I think exciting developments like the Meanie Greenie Water Feature are interesting, these pronouncements remind me of the time when they made a big deal and brought out Mardi Gras floats into the Superdome at halftime in the 80's to bring a crowd to the game. I think we lost that game.

We've lost to teams in some pretty shoddy stadiums that don't boast Water Features.  Tulsa's Chapman Concrete Bleacher Corral being one of them.  I had to laugh when I read on Gotula someone posting that the new water feature going up on our scoreboard just in time for homecoming is actually a sinister plot to waterboard the remaining Tulane fans.

Like I'll be more excited about wins in recruiting battles and wins on the field with or without a lifesize meanie greenie that spits out water.  As long as someone in a powerful position reading this henceforth insists that Sodexo purvey hot chocolate at Tulane sporting events - I'm totally okay if we manage without a water feature.

Anyways, me and my gals are soldiering on.  We are making our homecoming mums and menu preparations are under way for tailgating which includes stocking up majorly on the booze.  Jello shots from Wasted Fruit and our infamous Skip & Go Naked Punch are on the menu.

So watch out!

Wardrobe Malfunction

I'm out of words. You just know Coach Rick Jones would so have held a bonfire to burn those charcoal uniforms and they'd never see the light of day again.  He'd a ripped it off and flung it out on the field and stomped on it and then stomped off to the locker room.  Remember the all blue baseball uniforms?

Anyways, our performance made me so sad that I couldn't even watch other college games the rest of the weekend.  And with the election being all kinda ways, I'm like can we fast forward to Baseball Season please?

The bright spot? Ade Aruna. I was super impressed.

 I would like to mention that Coach Hullabaloo fancies himself to be an Honorary Adjunct Special Teams specialist and he is a firm believer in the fake punts.  Most teams don't give us credit for being fierce and so when we punt everyone runs, leaving us with at least 20 yards of green in front of the punter.  Ample room to make a 4th and 2 or a 4th and 3. But we've taken advantage of that like exactly three times in the past 10 years (remember Jonathan Ginsburgh's fake punt at Rutgers? It was so Epic! Dare. to. dream.)

I'm fixing to go invite myself to Special Teams preparations and start providing my own ad lib instructions. Or at least to bring a plate of cookies. (Just kidding Coach if you are reading this! I will bring a plate of cookies tho!)

What's more, bye weeks are just wretched for us!  And so our streak of losing after Bye weeks continues. Why, why, why?!  I'm fixing to start a Change.org petition that we only have byes the first week and the last week of the season.

My final complaint (for today anyways) which I'd like to lodge, is about our game announcing! I honestly didn't realize it until someone else in our krewe pointed it out.  OMG, can we have something to say over the PA when we make a first down?  Whoever currently has this task has absolutely zero to say to rile up our fans, it's like they're up there watching The Voice reruns or something and then they turn their attention our game "Oh yeah, Zeddy just ran 33 yards." Ho hum, everyone carry on. 

 I think they should just mic up Graff for the stadium as well as for the radio. Everybody in favor of that idea say "Aye!"

The pink meanie greenie koozies that were given away were so super cute too.  So there's that plus also, if you made the game.

Anyways, we didn't set up a tailgate since it was a Friday game and Coach Hullabaloo gets exasperated as it is with setting up Saturday tailgates.  So we just hijacked the tailgate by another club and their set up was so cute.  I loved how they tied the green and baby blue tissue flowers to bustle the tablecloths on opposite sides. Presh.

I am so stealing this idea.  They said they got the tissue flowers from the dollar store, so guess where I'm bee-ling to?

Ok, so in case you are wondering - we are so not going to Tulsa.  Coach Hullabaloo refuses because of his disdain for Tulsans and all things Tulsa.  And since we've been to Tulane games in Tulsa three times, that's plenty enough Tulsa for one lifetime thank you.  We'll be watching from the confines of Chateau Hullabaloo or a watch party if a watering hole hosts one.

One last nugget: I've been lobbying behind the scenes for a cleansing of Yulman like how Benson did at the Superdome with the nuns and the priestess. I think the Nimbys put a hex and we need to scrub it away.  The powers that be think I'm crazy (obviously), but I am serious. Even maybe like a long distance Reiki session, or hang a dream catcher with a dreidel somewhere in there. What do you say?

Well, my chamudis, hang tight til Homecoming!