SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!

Hoo-ray! Hoo-ray Varsa Varsa Tee Ay!

image borrowed from livinglocurlo.com. I love this vintage baseball tablescape. love, love, love!

Before I get to the coverage of this very exciting weekend in Tulane Greenwave Baseball, I finally got Che to provide an update on former Tulane baseball players in the Minors/Majors y'all

PITCHERS
Brandon Gomes - Tampa Bay Rays
Micah Owings - San Diego Padres
Aaron Loup - New Hampshire Fisher Cats (AA - Toronto Blue Jays)
Preston "Commando" Claiborne - Trenton Thunder (AA - NY Yankees)
Conrad Flynn - Reno Aces (AAA - Arizona Diamondbacks)
Josh Zeid - Corpus Christi Hooks (AA - Houston Astros)
Shooter Hunt - Batavia Muckdogs (A - St. Louis Cardinals)

GUYS PLAYING THE FIELD
Brian "Bogie" Bogusevic, OF - Houston Astros
Brad Emaus, 2B - Pawtucket Red Sox (AAA - Boston Red Sox)
Josh Prince, SS - Huntsville Stars (AA - Milwaukee Brewers)
Sam "Homerun" Honeck, 1B - Savannah Sand Gnats (A - NY Mets)
Ant'ny Scelfo, LF - Charlotte Stone Crabs (A - Tampa Bay Rays)
Tommy Manzella, SS - Milwaukee Brewers Minors system
Mark Hamilton, 1B - Memphis Red Birds (AAA - St. Louis Cardinals)
Rob "Seggy" Segedin, OF - Tampa Yankees (A - NY Yankees)

So meanwhile, back at Turchin, Tulane played USM this weekend in Baseball and the Baseball Gods looked down favorably on my beloved Greenwave after the horrible Thursday we had.  See, let God be your vindicator. 

We swept USM! Yes!

I can't remember the last time we had a CUSA sweep, which was I think 2008 when we played UCF and they were having a major meltdown in Orlando.  We even run-ruled them after like 6 innings it was so out of hand.  The team was on auto-pilot because their coach had been dismissed after some unfortunate incident where he simulated sodomizing the equipment manager with a bat, because I am certain that was the worst of his sins. 

Yes, I know,  y'all keep on keeping it classy UCF. But now, you see, they've traded up for this totally awesome former LSU player as a coach that teaches his players to slide cleats up.*  Oh and instructs them to say "Whatchu looking at Bitch?!" to the opposing team's catcher.*  And throwing their bats and helmets on the field after striking out.* 

(I am SO glad to be rid of UCF and their "Town and Gown" approved manners)

*true stories

But enough of letting UCF occupy real estate on my cyber shtetl.

Yes, ma'am did I enjoy the sweep this weekend - and, of course, who would want to miss Big Mike wearing a Sombrero in his nod to Cinco Derby Day?  

After Tulane won away on Friday,  USM turns it around gives us a game and takes a lead on Saturday. However, the USM closer had a major meltdown in the 9th inning and who the hell knows what happened in the outfield for them too.

It starts out with Boudreaux getting a base run to first (who by the way had a MONSTER weekend at bat. To keep up the Juju his adorable mom and dad wore the same clothes the whole series!).  So after Boudreaux gets on base, the USM pitcher walks on Crohan and then walks on Schnee.  He walked Schnee!  I honestly thought that the intent was to start to load up the bases into a double play and then a pop fly out or something like that, but in actuality what I was witnessing was a meltdown with no reliever in sight.

But then when Shaff knocked the ball out out to the wall, why didn't that Golden Eagle outfielder throw the ball? What the Facundus was that all about? Not that I'm complaining.  But Shaff knocked the ball onto the park wall and then the Golden Eagle picks it up and stands there watching the developments until we got the winning run in.

Of course the stands and our bull pen just E-rrupted in celebration when that went down.  The Wave players just burried Shaff in a pile on, it was fantastic. It was all just so crazy to watch!

Sunday was equally as riveting, with Tulane hanging on to a 4-3 lead going into the 9th and DJ pulling out the 3 strikes in a nail biter! 

There were these young superfans, whom I completely admire and who I believe are our neighbors during Football tailgating.  I'll call them The Young Turks. So the Young Turks took over the seats lined up over the USM bullpen and they were cracking us up! 

At the top of the 9th the USM pitcher was taking for-freaking-ever in his pitches, I think to buy time and hope that DJ Ponder would wear down in the bottom of the 9th after waiting so long to finish his pitching. We weren't sure if DJ Ponder would hold up after the rain delay and being called in so early to relieve. 

So The Young Turks started yelling at the USM pitcher to move it along, he was just camping out on the mound here. I swear I thought he was gonna grab a sleeping bag and a remote control to start watching movies on the Jumbotron.  One of the Young Turks retorts during the pitcher's stalling: "HEY! I GOTTA GO TAKE MY FINALS!"

We about fell out!

Anyways, another excellent development in the Greenie Dat Nation is how the Witches of Eastwick on the City Council and the snobs of Audubon Boulevard are getting the reaction that they deserve over the IZD sham to shut down construction of Tulane Stadium. Thank you Moses!

These snobs have just been getting raked over the coals in the public relations arena since they acted all a fool last week.  I personally would have expected at the very least for the Nimby's attorney, Jane Booth, Esq, to get a citation for showing up to a hearing dressed all kinda ways and with her sloppy hair pulled back in polka dot jaw clip.  Really now.  How professional of her.  What, with 3 days notice you couldn't find time for a proper blow out?

Also, I post this picture because of the lovely tag line provided by the Times Picayune underneath Miz Booth.  Interim District Zoning?  Oh, whatever....

But it has been ever so delightful to snicker and pour over headline after headline, letter after letter, radio call in after radio call in, all calling out these whiners and accomplices for the idiots that they are. And Jackie Clarkson with her faux-outrage, puh-leeze. (What glee! Thank you!)

We were laughing about it at tailgating on Saturday before the USM game that we should hold a can shake fundraiser at the end of their precious Audubon Boulevard on the Claiborne Street side to gather funds to offset what their antics are costing us.  Orange vest suits and all - just watch us!  Maybe I'll even include a can shake to fundraise for Jane to own a round brush and a hair dryer. Or at least to set up a charity fund for her at Paris Parker.

But back to the purpose of this blog: Tailgating and all things cute and delicious.

Sweet Miz Jeanie joined us on Saturday and offered up some major awesome ideas for Football tailgating which I shall share below in anticipation. Yum-o

SOUTHERN ALMOND TEA (how genius and delicious does this sound?)
2.5 cups of simple syrup
2 cups ice water to mix with 2 tablespoons of instant iced tea
2 tablespoons of almond extract
2 tablespoon vanilla extract
enough water to make a gallon of tea
Lemon slices for garnish

Make your simple syrup and set aside.  Mix the ice water and instant tea to make a pasty liquid mixture. Mix together syrup, tea mixture, almond extract and vanilla and then add enough water to make a gallon of tea.  Serve over ice with lemon garnish. I wonder if an adult version of this could be figured out? How fun would that be?

APPLES WITH HEATH CARAMEL DIP (so easy and yet sounds so insidously evil!)
Sliced up apples
Sprite
Tub of caramel (bought or make your own if you are inspired)
Crushed up Heath candy bars

Soak your apples in Spite and then dump out the Sprite.  Take your tub of caramel and mix with the crushed Heath candy bar topping.  Leave some crushed Heath bar to garnish on top of the caramel to look cute. Apparently this was a huge hit with the crowd at the Grove, so it will probably be much appreciated with the Hullabaloo Huddlers.

And listen, I don't care how much these Audubon Boulevard homeowners come over groveling and begging for forgiveness to our fabulousity tailgating, I shan't share any with them for their childish and immature behavior.  That'll learn em.


Peace out!

Kristen Palmer Breastfed Her Child In My Living Room Sans Permission

Yes, I'm pissed off and this shall remain the title of my post.

The nerve of that woman to think she can just waltz in to my home and feel free to whip both of her boobages out at my dining room table and allow her child to suckle. Without even asking if I minded.

And then to come out today as Councilwoman Lady and vote in favor of the IZD* proposal the way she did. I am just beyond words. (plus I heard that she cheated on her husband with her campaign manager and Mr. Palmer just puts up with it. allegedly.  yes, I just published this accusation on the interwebs and I won't take it back.)

So surpise, suprise I have a post today! I know it's been a thousand million hours since my last post in February, but ya know the drill: busy, baseball, tailgating, Coach Hullabaloo's race schedule, trips, mardi gras, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

But I am EVER grateful that you are here today, reading my senseless drivel. Thank you, thank you.

Do any of y'all know Varla Jean Merman? She has the best drag show ever. Last fall, she teamed up with Ricky Graham at the Mid City Theatre and I swear I about pee'd my pants I laughed so hard.

Ricky Graham did a bit as an Uptown Matron, with a screen shot of the ORR-lee-ahhns Club behind her. You know the venue who's name cannot dared be printed (seriously, so lame) lest it tarnish the image of the location. He was dressed up in a Chanel tweed suit get up, these mardi gras bead-sized pearls.  I wished I could have gotten him to come to the City Council hearing today to annoy those crazy fools seated behind me.

So as you know, councilwoman lady, voted along with Mizzus Guidry, Head and Clarkson on this bogus IZD proposal, which was essentially a stupid way to stop the building of Fergie Field by the Audubon Boulevard homeowners.  Who, I might point out, bought a home that was adjacent to a 70,000 seat stadium and are now running scared about a 27,000 replacement. 

I also have to point out that prior to assuming her dictarorial role on the City Council while still an independent citizen, Kristen Giselson Palmer, literally harassed and bullied an adorable gay couple living in our neighborhood until they moved.  They ran the cutest little shop that was also a post office.  She bullied them just because they disagreed with her on some totally insignificant neighborhood issue which I can't even recall. These accusations dovetail nicely with the need to stop your dictatorial neighborhood association bullies before they reach the levers of power.  Nice harmless gay couple one day, a university the next.

I never thought I'd live to see the day where I would be THANKFUL for Cynthia Hedge-hyphen-Morrel and John Johnson's votes.  I don't think Kaare Johnson would have seen that either the way he bangs up on black politicians in Nola all the time for being relics of the past.  Just 10 days ago he was moaning up a storm about the showdown between Stacey Head and Cynthia Willard-hyphen-Lewis.  Say what you will, black politicians are much more keen to understand the hand that feeds them.

By my ranting, you can obviously tell that I completely dropped everything on my schedule and spent the day at the New Orleans City Council hearing.  Of course I did - I mean like, priorities here, hello.  Work can wait another day. 

Listen: I can bitch and complain about boneheadedness coming out of the Wilson Center sans interruption, I'm entitled to it (I feel anyways). But when these Witches of Eastwick on City Council think that they are gonna take away My Stadium and try to go against my alma mater because these bored Uptown Matrons are scared of black chirrens being so close to their neighborhood?  Wink, wink, I mean errr, PARKING.  Well, uh - they have messed with the wrong bitch.  And judging by the general reaction in the Greenie Dat Nation, these queens have stirred up the wrong hornets nest.

So the IZD in a nutshell is this:  The city has adopted a "Master Plan" after Katrina that seeks to standardize our haphazard "Spot" Zonging situations that make no sense, so that businesses/developers know what is acceptable, when, where and how.  That plan hasn't yet been finalized.  So right now, Tulane can build anything it wants on its property as long as it is within code.  They don't need to go get permission from the city and hold public hearings to present architectural drawings and then be at the mercy of random citizens to provide input to say, rebuild Bruff Commons as it is currently seeking to do. Or by rebuilding the UC as it did a few years ago.

So the end around on not appearing to be pick on Tulane, but picking on Tulane was for Susan Guidry to put up this sham "Interim" proposal, a "spot" zoning ordinance if there ever was one, that forces ANY college in Orleans Parish to go before the zoning board and city council regarding building projects inside their property.  And then when the Master Plan is finalized, codify this IZD bullhockey into the Master Plan.

Quelle Bullshit, non?  So of course, none of the colleges are for this.

It was a long day and of course the City Council Queens put the IZD as the very last item on the agenda.  I sat next to my friend Hot Wheels and we relished the opportunity to annoy the Uptown Matrons behind us for being just generally rude and snooty like they always are.  They kept tapping on us, and hissing at us and disapproving of my cute stadium sign.  Halfway through the overall boring agenda items that were being addressed before they got to ours, I discovered that I was in the path of the camera feed that was focused on the podium and just sprouted my horns.

So while other speakers were up, I took advantage of the prime position I was in.  I was totally obnoxious and hold up my sign to block the Nimby signs that were in seats behind me.  Well, then these Uptown Matrons started acting a fool and yelling at us in whispers.  Like I'm scared of them.  Bite me.  If you want to go toe to toe on being obnoxious, I will give you the competition.  Watch me.

This is a shot of me before I held the sign up over their faces. (and mine, so I screen shot this as proof that it's me)

Hot Wheels yelled at them to simmer down and quit touching him, but these women kept hissing away and generally being disagreeable.  Hot Wheels also screamed at the Council Members on his way out the door after their sham voting session, pretending to listen to all sides of the situation.  We left like Rock Stars.  It was so funny, I love drama!

What goads me about these people is that they are all assuring everyone that they are for the stadium, this isn't about the stadium, but it's about other uses and parking, meanwhile their signs all say "No Residential Stadium" Who are they kidding?  And then to be roping in all of the other colleges of Orleans Parish into this "Interim Zoning District" nonsense, thinking nobody was gonna say anything?

It was pretty funny because Scott Slatten called them out for the racists that they are and I literally heard the Uptown Matrons gasp.  They gasp-ed!  Who gasp's these days?  If I had eyes behind my head I swear I woulda all seen them grasp their pearls.

Of course, none of these Uptown Matrons gasp-ed when one of them went up to the podium to speak and turned around and faced Cowen, Dickson and Coach CJ Johnson and actually accused our Tulane Football Players of urinating on her yard!  For reals!  Could you imagine?  Sweet Ryan Griffin and the rest of the nicest players on the planet being so crude?!

Seriously - do these well-behaved young gentlemen look like they'd haul off and pee in your precious Audubon Boulevard Yard?

I mean like, if I didn't know better I'd organize a let's go pee on their yard party. Cause these women have pissed me off. That's just so wrong to accuse our players like that.

Crazy Lady also demanded to know from Cowen, Dickson and Coach CJ if we wanted to trade houses with her, because she just wants peace and quiet and I almost got up on my feet and yelled "ME! ME! ME!"  I would LOVE to have Tulane Stadium be my backyard.  Could you imagine my tailgate parties?!  I'd be elected Queen Tailgate Empress. For life!  Coach CJ was so funny because he smiled at her and shook his head yes! ha ha!

Anyways, OMG on Jackie Clarkson getting all offended about being called out for scheduling a hearing with 3 days notice that would halt a $60 million project and affect 50% of the city's land mass.  Yes, it's a backroom, corrupt way of handing city affairs, so don't be all offended when you get called out on it.  And lawered have mercy about Susan Guidry.  That useless woman has no business being a city councilman lady if she doesn't know what her amendments are, and how the process works in conducting a hearing. Or parliamentary procedure, hello you learn that on student council in elementary school.  Interrupting speakers that way because she was clueless.  She was so inept during the proceedings and I am glad that the general public had the opportunity to see her for what she is.  Bring Back Batt!

Well listen, I am here to tell you that if it's the last thing I do as a living creature on this earth Tulane Stadium is getting built, and Mz. Palmer, Mrs. Guidry and Mz. Head better start packing, cause they are in my radar and I'm done with them.

Sigh. After stewing all day about this sham of a situation, being proud of my student athletes, former students, alumni and boosters who showed up to show that they cared, I am now somewhat relieved at the turn of events this afternoon: Mayor Mitch Landrieu will veto the IZD when it is voted on as an ordinance. Cue the Angels in Heaven Singing. 

And what's more: Godfather Tom Benson is against the IZD, so the Saints issued a statement supporting the stadium.  And Tulane alumni and students are pissed and they are mobilizing.

So take that Uptown Matrons and suck on it. Or go move to some unfun soundless hole on the Northshore, please.